Domestic Violence is Rarely A One Time Occurence

Myth: Domestic violence is usually a one-time occurrence, an isolated incident.

Fact:  Domestic violence is an ongoing pattern of behavior that escalates and becomes more       frequent.

Domestic violence is very rarely an isolated incidence.  Domestic violence is patterned behavior that escalates over time.  People often believe that domestic violence only happens once as a result of a heated argument or as a situation where an intimate partner “snapped” or unexpectedly lost control.  In most cases the personal details of the relationship are not known to others.  The victim often hides the truth due to fear and/or embarrassment.  This makes it easier for the abuser to downplay the incident along with other abusive behaviors.

No two batterers are the same.  Most abusers use various tactics to gain power and control over their partner. Some tactics abusers use may not appear abusive to outsiders looking in, many tactics may appear romantic, caring or loving.

Batterers often use remorse as a way to keep the victim in the relationship.  Batterers often promise to change their behavior, go to counseling and give up substance abuse.  These heartfelt apologies and promises often give the victim hope that things will get better. The apologies and promises quickly turn into denial followed by blaming their behavior on the victim. The behaviors displayed by the abuser and victim are all a part of the Cycle of Abuse.

By daylightinc

I Got Flowers Today

I got flowers today.
It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night,
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry and didn’t mean the things he said.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
It wasn’t our anniversary any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn’t believe it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today,
and it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
And it was much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I’m afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers…today. 

By Paulette Kelly

 

By daylightinc

What is Abuse?

This is a crime or crimes that involve harm or maltreatment inflicted on a family member, past or present romantic partners and others. In both dating and marriage relationships there can often be a pattern of abusive behavior that ranges from verbal abuse to murder and includes emotional abuse, such as intimidation and threats, assault and battery (with or without the use of a deadly weapon), sexual abuse (i.e. spousal rape or date rape), isolation (keeping partner away from family and friends) or financial abuse (not allowed to work or manage own money).

By daylightinc