Counseling Is A Matter of Life or Death!

When a woman in an abusive relationship seeks Godly counsel from her Pastor, a minister or even a Biblical Counselor it is a matter of life or death. As a survivor I know how hard it is to admit you are a victim.  When a victim finally admits she is a victim and ask for help it is very important that those counseling be responsible for the counsel that they give them and that they give good counsel. This is a matter of life and death.

 When a woman seeks counsel she needs information, resouces , options, prayer, guidance, understanding, care, concern, hope and someone to walk with her.  Forgiveness is a part of the healing process.  How can she heal when she’s still in the abusive relationship?

Pastors, Minsters, Counselors, I beseech you to get the necessary training in teen dating violence and domestic abuse.  Please stop telling women to pray and forgive and then send them back into the abusive situation with no plan for being safe.

Teen Dating Violence and Domestic Abuse are growing epidemics.  Here are some statistics:

Teen Dating Violence Statistics:

  • Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.
  • One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
  • One in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.

Domestic Abuse and Violence Statistics:

  • Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.
  • Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family.
  • Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
  • Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.

Daylight, Inc and New Mercies Christian Church  offer trainings in domestic violence.  DV101 is a 2 hour overview of domestic violence.  We also offer Faces of Abuse, a 13 week course for counseling victims of teen dating violence or domestic abuse. Please email us at daylight-inc@live.com  if you are interested in a training for yourself or your staff.

By daylightinc

Daylight-Inc.: Am I A Part of The Dream?

Today I watched the King Service live and now I’m watching the 2nd Inauguration of President Obama.  As I sit here watching I keep asking myself how do I fit into the I Have A Dream movement or do I?  

My answer would be that I do fit into the dream and the movement.  For I too have a dream!  i dream of the war at home ending.  I dream of no teen dating violence.  I dream of no domestic abuse. i dream of no rape or sex trafficking.   I dream of healthy relationships and happy children. 

I am more than a dreamer.  I am an advocate, I carry the torch, I am a foot soldier and carrier of the dream and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King.  I am also responsible for the legacy of William and Laura Day, my paternal grandparents, Daniel and Vera Moss, my maternal grandparents, and William and Dorothy Day, my parents.  These legacies and dreams can only come true or continue through my actions.

So today I accept this responsibility and put feet on my faith as I march into my destiny and purpose.  Today I dedicate my life to God first and doing the will of God and secondly I dedicate myself and Daylight, Inc. to advancing the dream and legacy of those who marched ahead of me.

I am a part of the dream and so are you!  Dr. king was the Drum Major for Peace.  What instrument do you or will you play?  The march continues.  There is room for us all.  Grab your baton, flag, flute, tuba, trumpet, drum or whatever your instrument of choice.

I’ll be the one waving the “PURPLE” flag!

 

By daylightinc

Domestic Violence is Rarely A One Time Occurence

Myth: Domestic violence is usually a one-time occurrence, an isolated incident.

Fact:  Domestic violence is an ongoing pattern of behavior that escalates and becomes more       frequent.

Domestic violence is very rarely an isolated incidence.  Domestic violence is patterned behavior that escalates over time.  People often believe that domestic violence only happens once as a result of a heated argument or as a situation where an intimate partner “snapped” or unexpectedly lost control.  In most cases the personal details of the relationship are not known to others.  The victim often hides the truth due to fear and/or embarrassment.  This makes it easier for the abuser to downplay the incident along with other abusive behaviors.

No two batterers are the same.  Most abusers use various tactics to gain power and control over their partner. Some tactics abusers use may not appear abusive to outsiders looking in, many tactics may appear romantic, caring or loving.

Batterers often use remorse as a way to keep the victim in the relationship.  Batterers often promise to change their behavior, go to counseling and give up substance abuse.  These heartfelt apologies and promises often give the victim hope that things will get better. The apologies and promises quickly turn into denial followed by blaming their behavior on the victim. The behaviors displayed by the abuser and victim are all a part of the Cycle of Abuse.

By daylightinc

I Got Flowers Today

I got flowers today.
It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night,
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry and didn’t mean the things he said.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
It wasn’t our anniversary any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn’t believe it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today,
and it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
And it was much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I’m afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers…today. 

By Paulette Kelly

 

By daylightinc

What is Abuse?

This is a crime or crimes that involve harm or maltreatment inflicted on a family member, past or present romantic partners and others. In both dating and marriage relationships there can often be a pattern of abusive behavior that ranges from verbal abuse to murder and includes emotional abuse, such as intimidation and threats, assault and battery (with or without the use of a deadly weapon), sexual abuse (i.e. spousal rape or date rape), isolation (keeping partner away from family and friends) or financial abuse (not allowed to work or manage own money).

By daylightinc

Purple Passion- A Royal Stand Against Domestic Violence I will be wearing PURPLE all month as I shine my light against domestic violence. I am still taking donations of purple items. All businesses that donate something will be featured on my FB and Twitter pages also on my website. I would love some purple jewelry. Every Thursday during the month of October I’m asking everyone to wear purple and post your pictures on FaceBook. Get your purple ready and join me as I take a stand.

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By daylightinc

Preparing for October

This year as I prepare for October my mind is also on Darrell and Angela Pearson.  I didn’t know Angela but I knew Darrell as he spent many hours at my home with my daughters.  Darrell and his mother Angela were killed last year when Angela’s ex-boyfriend shot them and then himself.  I remember the phone call from my daughter very vividly.  She was crying uncontrollably.  I couldn’t get to her fast enough.

This year we plan to honor the memory of Darrell and Angela.  Darrell’s birthday is October 1, the first day of Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  We will visit their graves.  Every year going forward we will honor their memory on October 1.

By daylightinc

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

My team and I are preparing for Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  We’re gathering all things purple.  We’re making ribbons, lollipops, flyers, brochures and much more.  Watch for our Street light Team as they be out and about all month shining the light on Teen Dating Violence and Domestic Abuse.

By daylightinc